He’s an Uncanny Valley Girl. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of January 19, 2018
Robots will always need humanity for a
swift kick. First up…
Blade Runner 2049
The downside to having a robotic lover is
that your romantic baths always end in electrocution.
Smartly, the Blade Runner in this sci-fi
thriller keeps his sex-bot on his frontal lobe.
K (Ryan Gosling) is an engineered human
employed by the LAPD for the purpose of tracking down and liquidating maverick
replicates. When he learns of a replicate that reproduced, K’s superior (Robin
Wright) orders him to kill the offspring before the manufacturer (Jared Leto)
can exploit the glitch.
K’s search for the lost lovechild finds him
face-to-face with the Blade Runner who held his position previously, Deckard
(Harrison Ford).
A visual feast with absorbing concepts but
measured pacing and a taxing runtime, this long awaited sequel to Ridley
Scott’s 1982 adaptation of Philip K. Dick’s book is a worthy successor to the
equally sluggish original.
Incidentally, when delivering a mechanical
baby make sure not to cut the wrong cord.
Yellow Light
Geostorm
Extreme weather isn’t global warming; it’s
God trying to wipe out humanity again.
Thankfully, this disaster movie has a Noah
of its own to protect the wayward sinners.
When a system of satellites he designed to
control Earth’s climate begins to attack it, the ousted Jake (Gerard Butler) is
asked to return to the International Climate Space Station by his replacement,
his brother, Max (Jim Sturgess).
Jake is hesitant to help his former
employer until he sees the damage his creation is wreaking across the world.
But when Jake discovers that the White House planted the glitch, his and his
daughter’s lives are endangered.
With a hokey premise that takes itself
deadly serious, this super-nature thriller is a gentle breeze from being a
movie-of the-week. Bad writing, ham-fisted acting and corny SPFX further feed
this shit-storm.
Furthermore, if humanity controlled weather
then all wars would be fought over the thermostat. Red Light
The Snowman
The best calling card a serial killer could
leave behind for detectives would be an actual calling card.
Unfortunately, the stalker in this mystery
just leaves a snowman at their massacres.
When a dead body turns up after the first
snowfall of the season in the shadow of a newly erected snowman, a troubled
detective, Harry (Michael Fassbender), sees enough similarities in the case to
declare Oslo’s preeminent serial killer has returned.
With assistance from a gifted recruit
(Rebecca Ferguson), Harry hunts the killer through decade old cold case files
that lead him to believe that paternity disputes are the motivating factor.
An obvious whodunit that follows footprints
forged by far superior crime thrillers, this adaptation of the Norwegian
bestseller is a nonevent that never challenges viewers with its comatose
romance, formulaic plot and endless red herrings.
Moreover, to catch the snowman killer:
simply leave coal, buttons and top hat outside.
Red Light
***Forensic Science Fair***
The Bone Collector
The best keepsake to take from your murder
victim is cash, credit cards or their car.
But for some reason the stalker in this
crime-thriller collects worthless bone shards.
Beat cop Donaghy (Angelina Jolie) pairs
with a paralyzed forensic expert, Rhyme (Denzel Washington), to find a serial
killer who extracts bone fragment from their victims as a souvenir. The duo
concludes the perpetrator is a cabbie with a criminal record and a connection
to Rhyme’s work in forensics.
Unfortunately, Donaghy, Rhyme and his
caretaker (Queen Latifah) don’t realize just how close the Bone Collector is.
While the mystery isn’t as earth-shattering
as hoped, this first and only instalment in author Jeffery Deaver’s Rhyme
series does feature inexplicable chemistry between the unlikely leads. In fact,
this intriguing subplot supports the film’s formulaic construction.
Incidentally, the best way to prevent
future serial killers is to execute every nice, quiet guy next door.
He’s the Grandson of Sam. He’s the…
Vidiot
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