He has a 6-Pack Mentality. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of September 23, 2016
When life gives you lemon infused beer:
chug, chug, chug! First up…
Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising
The worst thing about living next to a frat
house is hearing rape whistles all night.
Fortunately, the home in this comedy is
adjunct to an innocuous sorority.
A freshman (Chloë Grace Moretz) is so
disenchanted with her sorority’s rules on partying that she and a small
contingent rent out their own house.
New parents (Seth Rogen, Rose Byrne)
looking to sell their home so they can move to the ‘burbs are unable to because
a sorority has just moved in next-door.
With the help of a former frat boy (Zac
Efron), the couple hopes to oust the co-eds.
While advertised as a sequel, Sorority Rising
is simply the original retold in an improved format, with female leads instead
of males and funny jokes in lieu of a fusillade of phallic ones.
Incidentally, with the amount of pervs
around you’d have no trouble selling a house next to a sorority. Yellow Light
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the
Shadows
If society ever found out that mutated
turtles dressed as ninjas actually existed, it would shame them for cultural
appropriation.
Surprisingly, this action-adventure ignores
their exploitation of feudal Japan.
When the turtles and friends (Megan Fox,
Stephen Amell, Will Arnett) learn of Baxter Stockman’s (Tyler Perry) mutagen
that turns humans into animals, they hope it works in reverse.
Elsewhere, an alien overlord from another
dimension needs Shredder’s (Brian Tee) help in acquiring three components that
will open a portal allowing him to invade earth.
Although the character designs still come
off more gecko than turtle, this superior follow-up to the irritating original
finally embraces its middle-aged fan-base, and its animated origins, by adding
beloved backup characters into the mix, as well as amping up the effects-laden
action to Saturday morning cartoon proportions.
Furthermore, it’s easy to tell if someone
used to be a turtle because all they wear are turtlenecks. Yellow Light
***Turtle Wax On***
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret
of the Ooze
The best way to prevent cartoon violence
from occurring at home is to lock up your anvils.
Thankfully, the swordplay in this
action-adventure is kept to a minimum.
Torn between revealing themselves and
remaining hidden in the sewers, the ninja turtles may have just found the
answer in the contaminated ooze that mutated them years ago.
Unfortunately, the scientist (David Warner)
who formulated it has been kidnapped by Shredder (François Chau) and forced to
create mutant cronies for him using the ooze.
The ensuing battle eventually culminates at
a Vanilla Ice concert where Shredder consumes the last vile, with mixed
results.
With the violence toned down and the laughs
turned up to appease opponents of the first, TMNTII is a bastardized version of
its self that doesn’t even come close to capturing the original’s oomph.
Worse, without weapons a ninja is lamer
than someone doing tai chi in the park.
He’s a Re-Mixed Martial Artist. He’s the…
Vidiot
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