Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Chips & Diplomat. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of June 17, 2016

British Parliament isn’t as cheeky as you’d expect. First up…

London Has Fallen

To get the upper hand on terrorism we need to employ the use of suicide bomber-hostages.

However, the high-level hostage in this action movie isn’t likely to be allowed to wear an explosive vest.

In London for the Prime Minister’s funeral, US President Asher (Aaron Eckhart) and his bodyguard Mike Banning (Gerard Butler) are caught in a terrorist plot to wipeout all world leaders in attendance and kidnap Asher for online execution.

Across the pond, the US vice-president (Morgan Freeman) works with White House staff to solve the mystery behind the mastermind’s (Alon Moni Aboutboul) motives and the possibility of a mole.

Overstuffed with straightforward shootouts, commonplace car chases and patriotic orations, this unwarranted sequel to Olympus Has Fallen is even more bombastic and nationalistic. With Butler’s brutish performance and xenophobic one-liners as its highest and lowest points.

Besides, you’d get more online traffic executing that hunky Canadian Prime Minister.  Red Light

Eddie the Eagle

The upside to the Olympics being in Canada is the low exchange rate helps your IOC bribe go a lot further.

Unfortunately, the hopeful in this dramedy will need more than a kickback to compete.

Dreaming of gold since he was young, Eddie Edwards (Taron Egerton) has shoehorned himself into every possible activity with disastrous results. It’s not until he witnesses ski jumping does the fearless Brit find his calling.

With help from a failed ski jumper (Hugh Jackman), Eddie gets the training he needs to qualify for the 1988 games in Calgary, but not the respect of his fellow competitors.

Despite its’ over indulgence in sentimentality and played out sports clichés, this true underdog tale still manages to rally enough heart and good humor to provide a pleasant reflection on this unorthodox athlete.  

Mind you, to those in the southern hemisphere, this Winter Olympic anecdote is brand new.  Yellow Light

10 Cloverfield Lane

Here’s a helpful handyman tip: why not turn that old bomb shelter into a contemporary sex-dungeon?

Or, like, the doomsday prepper is this psychological-thriller: keep stocking it with preserves.

Michelle (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) comes to after a car accident to find she is confined in an underground bunker curated by conspiracy nut Howard (John Goodman), who believes the air above is now contaminated from an unknown attacker.

Remaining distrustful of her captor while building a rapport with him, Michelle conspires with her co-inmate (John Gallagher, Jr.) on constructing a homemade HAZMAT suit for escaping in.

On one hand it’s an intimate and exhilarating cat-and-mouse game with sporadic bursts of humor and malice. And on the other, it’s an out-of-left-field alien incursion sequel to the 2008 found-footage Cloverfield. But some how these two conflicting narratives work in an unanticipated fashion.

Ironically, to aliens, underground bunkers are like cans of preserved peaches.  Green Light

***Gold Meddling***

 

The Cutting Edge

When Calgary was awarded the 1988 Winter Olympics, the first thing that Americans did was purchase an atlas.

Surprisingly, the US athletes in this romantic-comedy were able to find Canada.

Colliding on their way to their gold medal competitions, blue-collar hockey player Doug (D. B. Sweeney) and uptight figure skater Kate (Moira Kelly) start off on the wrong skate.

But things get worse when their failures in ‘88 force them to work together for pairs figure skating success in ‘92. With clashing styles and personalities, Doug and Kate’s disdain on ice quickly turns to passion off it. But at what cost to the performance?

Wrought with early-nineties fashion faux pas and blurry slow-motion skating sequences, this opposite attractions opus is painfully predictable but oddly endearing – enough to spawn three lesser-known sequels.

Incidentally, the offspring of a hockey player and a figure skater will likely grow up to drive a Zamboni.

He’s an International Incidentalist. He’s the…

Vidiot