Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Born-Again Virgin Sacrifice. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of August 28, 2015

Volcanoes are the Earth’s zits. First up…

Aloha

Hawaii is the ideal US State insofar as its inaccessibility to Mexican immigrants.

Thankfully, it’s not too remote for the defence contractor in this dramedy.

Sent to Hawaii by his boss (Bill Murray) to secure a deal with tribes that’ll set the stage for private space flight, Brian (Bradley Cooper) is escorted around the island by an Air Force captain (Emma Stone).

During his weeklong sojourn, Brian gets reacquainted with his ex (Rachel McAdams), who is married to a pilot (John Krasinski) and has two kids.

As pressure to seal the deal mounts, Brian receives life-altering news and also embarks on a new relationship that challenges his immorality.

A hodgepodge of espionage, awkward romances and hidden secrets, this eco-friendly mess comes compliments of director Cameron Crowe, who struggles to make sense of his own disjointed script.

Besides, if Hawaii were a strategic military location someone would’ve attacked it years ago.  Red Light

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Big Game

The most important thing to remember when you’re big game hunting is to not post photos on social media.

Thankfully, the poachers in this action movie are far from Internet access.

When terrorists shoot Air Force One down over a forest in Finland, President Moore (Samuel L. Jackson) finds himself under the protection of Oskari (Onni Tommila), a young sportsman on his first solo-hunting trip.

With only a crude bow for protection, Oskari attempts to save the president from his pursuer (Ray Stevenson), so he can prove to his father that he’s a man.

Meanwhile, the Vice-President (Victor Garber) and CIA higher-ups (Jim Broadbent, Felicity Huffman) work on recovering the commander and chief.

While the simplistic plot, laughable dialogue and adolescent lead harken back to 80s’ actioneers, this Finnish import fails to deliver enough updated action sequences to sate modern tastes.

Incidentally, the easiest president to hunt would’ve been FDR.  Yellow Light

***Safari, So Good***

 

The Ghost and The Darkness

The only time it’s acceptable to kill a lion is if it’s dressed like a cow, chicken or pig.

Mind you, the most consumed animal in this action movie is man.

Sent to Kenya by his boss (Tom Wilkinson) to expedite work on his railroad, military engineer Col. John Henry (Val Kilmer) is advised by the project supervisors (Brian McCardie, John Kani) that two man-eating lions have been holding up progress.

When he fails to slay the stealthy predators, Patterson’s boss hires an experienced hunter (Michael Douglas) to eliminate the threat for good.

But even the famed huntsman can’t kill the cunning cats, and he soon finds himself on their dinner menu.

Based on Patterson’s book, this adaptation of his harrowing account is as frightening as it is fascinating, with the lions serving as truly menacing antagonists.

But to fair, big game hunters should have to dress as injured gazelle.

He’s a Big Game Changer. He’s the…

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