Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Ragnarök Star. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of February 21, 2014

Norse Gods used tons of detangler. First up…

Thor: The Dark World

The upside to being the God of Thunder is that you have a solid excuse every time you fart.

Thankfully, the fair-haired deity in this action movie isn’t passing gas.

When a cosmic event creates porticos between realms, Thor’s (Chris Hemsworth) girlfriend Jane (Natalie Portman) travels through one portal and ends up being contaminated by an ancient weapon.

Jane’s contagion awakenings a Dark Elf (Christopher Eccleston) who wants to use her ailment to bring about the elves evil empire.

To prevent this, Thor must collaborate with his greatest enemy - his incarcerated half-brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston).

And it’s solely that brotherly interplay that makes this sequel acceptable.

While all the exciting elements of the original are present, Dark World lacks a villain with enough oomph to save a simplistic script that fails to venture beyond its comic book derivation.

Incidentally, the Mighty Thor is the ideal Halloween costume for Jesus.

Yellow Light

Gravity

In the 1960s women were only permitted to be astronauts so they could prepare their male counterpart’s food tubes.

Fortunately, times have changed, and the lady astronaut in this thriller can now prepare tubeless meals.

With debris from a damaged satellite fast approaching, the space-walking occupants of the Explorer - Lt. Kowalski (George Clooney) and Dr. Stone (Sandra Bullock) - prepare for impact.

Unfortunately, Stone is jettisoned from the shuttle during the shower and is set adrift in space with little oxygen, and even less of a chance of surviving.

Her only hope lies in reaching a Chinese space station, by way of a Russian module.

One of the most mind-blowing movies about space, what Gravity lacks in character development and overall story, it makes up for in awe-inspiring scenery and nerve-racking tension.

Furthermore, astronauts don’t typically take space-walks unless Chris Hadfield is strumming one of his folksy tunes again.  Green Light

***The Sun of God***

Apollo 13

The worst aspect of space travel in the 1960s was African American astronauts had to sit out on the shuttle’s wing.

Oops, my mistake. NASA had no black astronauts at the time this drama is set.

Intent on reaching the moon like his compatriot Neil Armstrong, Jim Lovell (Tom Hanks) heads up the ill-fated Apollo 13 mission.

From a sick pilot (Gary Sinise) to his rookie replacement (Kevin Bacon) to a disinterested public, Lovell’s mission gets worse by the day.

But it reaches its pinnacle when an explosion aboard Apollo forces the crew into the evacuation module.

With their air supply in danger, they must jury-rig a way to turnover the shuttle’s engine.

Based on the harrowing true story, director Ron Howard emulates the claustrophobic environment of a 1960s space capsule precisely.

Furthermore, NASA really needs to helm a mission back to the moon so they can pick-up their garbage.

He’s Full Moon-walking. He’s the…

Vidiot