Be Kind, Please Kind

He’s a Deathbed Wetter. He’s the…

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Week of July 12, 2013

Go towards the strobe light. First up…

Dead Man Down

Getting revenge on those who killed your family should be your first priority after police have cleared you as a suspect.

However, the husband in this thriller avoided interrogation because he was thought dead.

Intimidating residents of a building he wants to redevelop, drug czar Alphonse (Terrence Howard) unintentionally kill Victor’s (Colin Farrell) wife.

Later, when the issue goes to court, he intentionally orders the slaying of Victor and his son. Or so Alphonse thought.

Two years later, Victor has wormed his way into Alphonse’s outfit, with the intention of killing him.

But Victor’s retribution is jeopardized when his disfigured neighbour (Noomi Rapace) blackmails him into murdering the drunk driver who left her scarred.

While the romance between the victims has foreign cinema facets, the grandiose gunfights, and substandard script, are wholly American.

Besides, the best way to get revenge on a drunk driver is to drive distracted into them.  0

Spring Breakers

The ecclesiastical angle of spending your Easter holiday in Florida is that the sandy beaches are reminiscent of the desert Moses wandered in.

And while it has religious undertones, this drama is more sinful.

To bankroll their spring break, Candy (Vanessa Hudgens), Cotty (Rachel Korine) and Brittany (Ashley Benson) hold up a restaurant.

           

Kidnapping their friend Faith (Selena Gomez), the girls hightail it to Florida.

Down South, their drunken and disorderly high jinks are quickly quelled when a party their at gets busted.

In the can, with no cash, they’re miraculously bailed out by a rapper/drug dealer, Alien (James Franco), who takes them under his wing.

Eventually, the bikini-clad breakers become soldiers in Alien’s turf war against a rival dealer.

Relevant and ridiculous, but lacking his haunting strangeness, Spring Breakers is writer/director Harmony Korine’s most commercial, coherent and socially critical film yet.

Incidentally, Florida’s retiree population hold wet T-shirt contests year-round.  0

***Spring Heartbreakers***

Where the Boys Are

Considering the annual antics of spring break, there’s a good reason why the state of Florida is shaped like a penis.

Thusly, female college students, like the ones in this drama, flock to Fort Lauderdale every year.

Students from an uptight Midwest university (Connie Francis, Dolores Hart, Yvette Mimieux, Paula Prentiss) head down south on their spring break in hopes of engaging in the premarital sex that their school forbids.

When they arrive, the girls quickly pair off with their male counterparts (George Hamilton, Frank Gorshin, Jim Hutton, Rory Harrity) and harmless heartbreaks ensue.

While the experienced girls discover they have more to learn about sex, the inexperienced ones are broken by the darker side of the vacation.

Not only does it depict the sun-seeking pilgrimage bluntly, but Where the Boys Are also boasts a memorable soundtrack.

Now, if only Ft. Lauderdale could find an economic benefit for used condoms. 

He’s a Keg Stand-up Comedian. He’s the…

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