He’s a Gearshift Worker. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of September 18, 2015
Driving to your driving job is redundant. First up…
Furious 7
To ensure a hot product, pizza places should employ
street-racers as their delivery drivers.
Granted, the gear-heads in this action movie are already
transporting items of greater importance.
In order to get the intel on the assassin (Jason Statham)
that’s systematically offing his crew, Dom (Vin Diesel) accepts an offer from
covert ops agent Petty (Kurt Russell) to recover a flash-drive and a hacker for
him.
With his remaining team members (Paul Walker, Michelle
Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Bridges) in tow, Dom executes a daring
automobile airdrop over the Middle East.
While it does come equipped with the standard features found
in every Fast and Furious movie before it, i.e. speed, sex and stupid
one-liners, this sixth sequel in the series takes the street-racing concept to
implausible heights, while simultaneously taking a step back in the fatigued
series.
Incidentally, the biggest driver distractions are those
roadside memorials for dead street-racers.
Yellow Light
Cinderella
The worst thing Cinderella’s story ever did was convince
girls that they could wear glass on their feet.
Thankfully, as this fantasy movie confirms, glass slippers
are not easy to come by.
After her mother’s death, Ella’s (Lily James) father
remarries Lady Tremaine (Cate Blanchett), who has two daughters (Holliday
Grainger, Sophie McShera), both as wicked as their mother.
When her father passes, Ella’s rechristened Cinderella, and
sent to live in the attic.
When the Grand Duke (Stellan Skarsgård) announces a royal
ball, everyone but Cinderella gets to go. That is until her fairy godmother
uses magic to help her attract the eye of the Duke’s son.
Well cast and wonderfully acted, with stunning visual
effects and a clever script, director Kenneth Branagh delivers a faithful
adaption of the animated Disney movie.
Furthermore, once you’re done with the carriage, you can
enter it in this year’s giant pumpkin boat regatta. Green Light
***Ass Slipper***
Cinderfella
The reason animals don’t dress the men in fairy tales is
they have appendages birds could mistake for an earthworm.
Fortunately, nothing is ripped from the body of the lowly
wretch is this comedy.
After his mother’s death, Fella's (Jerry Lewis) father
remarries Emily (Judith Anderson), who has two sons (Henry Silva, Robert
Hutton) as wicked as her.
When his father passes, Fella is renamed Cinderfella, and
banished to an empty bedroom.
When a ball is held to find a suitor for Princess Charming
(Anna Maria Alberghetti) everyone but Cinderfella gets to go. That is until his
fairy godfather uses his magic to help him attract the Grand Ducy’s eye.
By switching the genders of the main characters, this goofy
slapstick version of the fairy tale manages to stand out from the throng of
lesser Cinderella adaptations.
However, no princess is ever going to pick-up a man’s
abandoned smelly shoe.
He’s a Cinderella Storyteller. He’s the…
Vidiot
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