Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Touchdowner. He’s the…

Vidiot 

Week of September 5, 2014

Touch football is for flags. First up…

Draft Day 

The upside to getting a concussion is that you don’t remember losing the championship game.

Losing, however, is not on the agenda of the general manager in this drama.

Determined to bring a hot prospect to Cleveland, upstart GM Sonny Weaver (Kevin Costner) trades the Brown’s first-round draft pick for the next three years for a shot at the phenom.

While the move impresses the team’s owner (Frank Langella), it riles up the coach (Denis Leary), current QB (Tom Welling), and team’s attorney (Jennifer Garner) - who is pregnant with Sonny’s child.

Although it offers a gutsy glimpse into the pressures of picking a million-dollar player, Ivan Reitman’s sentimental salute to gridiron suffers from needless melodrama that deflates the swelling sense of tension.

Furthermore, splicing classic football games into the narrative is sophomoric and ultimately distracting.

Incidentally, overrated NFL draft picks tend to have a bright future...in the CFL.  Yellow Light

Belle

Being black in the 18th century was almost as difficult as being black in the 21st century. 

Luckily the mixed-race child in this drama was reared an heiress.

Born of a West Indies mother and a British naval officer father (Matthew Goode), Dido Belle (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) was raised by her father’s uncle (Tom Wilkinson), the 1st Earl of Mansfield, and his wife (Emily Watson).

Although her father’s nobility will sustain her for life, Dido yearns to find love with someone of equal rank.

But an idealistic young lawyer (Sam Reid) assisting her uncle in a trial involving drowned slaves derails her plans of landing a doting Lord.

Inspired by a painting, Belle has the markings of an archetypal period piece, however, the underlining social issues elevate the standard story of status and forbidden dalliances to a reputable level.

Belle also set the stage for other black royalty, like, Prince. Green Light

***Monarchy in the US***

B*A*P*S 

The reason there are no black monarchs in America is because colonists hated British rule as much as black emancipation.

However, the Black American Princesses in this comedy come close.

Nisi (Halle Berry) and Mickey (Natalie Desselle-Reid) head to LA to raise capital for a soul-food hair salon in Atlanta.

While unsuccessful at sudden stardom, Nisi lands a gig as the lost love of an ailing millionaire (Martin Landau).

Eventually the ostentation twosome rub elbows with the elite, and introduce them to their brash urban branding.

All the while, they become unknowing accomplishes to a plan to extort their sugar-granddaddy of his millions. 

A cultural misstep, this lowbrow lampoon of black/white relations may feature some first-rate funnymen (Bernie Mac, Rudy Ray Moore, Faizon Love) but its depiction of both races is offensively unfunny.

Besides, neighbours would be calling the cops every time they saw B*A*P*s entering the old man’s mansion.

He’s a Race Relationship Expert. He’s the…

Vidiot