Thursday, July 24, 2014

Be Kind, Please Rewind


He’s a Fool’s Errand Boy. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of July 25, 2104

If you kill the messenger how will you reply? First up…


Sabotage 

The first thing you should do after stealing from a cartel is to kill yourself and your family.

Unfortunately, the corrupt cops in this crime-thriller didn’t, so now they’re being offed.

Breacher (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and his badass DEA agents (Sam Worthington, Terrence Howard, Josh Holloway, Joe Manganiello, Mireille Enos, Max Martini) stole millions in drug money from a warehouse raid.

Now they are systematically being killed one by one.

Assigned to their case is an investigator (Olivia Williams) who suspects the assassin is one of Breacher’s own crew.

Weightier than expected, Sabotage is a somber whodunit with intermittent gunfights and car chases. However, Schwarzenegger’s ham-fisted performance sticks out amid his more talented co-stars.

What’s more, his presence serves to unintentionally lighten the darker elements of the story, making them unbelievable and comical.

Incidentally, it’s not surprising the officers stole the drug money, it’s surprising they didn’t steal the drugs too. Red Light


Dom Hemingway

The key to being a professional safecracker is having your own stethoscope.

The burglar is this dark comedy, however, has little use for tools.

Released from prison, Dom (Jude Law) feels entitled to cash from his former employer (Demián Bichir) for keeping his mouth shut.

While Dom obtains the cash, he later loses it when the boss’ girl (Madalina Diana Ghenea) runs away with it after a car crash.

Destitute, Dom attempts to reconcile with his estranged daughter (Emilia Clarke) and rekindle his safecracking career.

Needles to say, neither venture is as easy as he hopes.

A cheeky crime comedy, Dom Hemingway is light on both the laughs and the lawbreaking.

Not only that but the brash British characters and the stylish cinematography aren’t as impressive as this movie thinks they are.

As for safekeeping his reward money, Dom should’ve done like in prison and stowed it up his ass.  Yellow Light


The Single Moms Club 

The irony of single motherhood is they’re raising fatherless sons who grow up and make more single moms.

Although this comedy doesn’t attempt to break that cycle of abandonment, it does hope to unify those affected. 

May (Nia Long), Hillary (Amy Smart), Jan (Wendi McLendon-Covey), Lytia (Cocoa Brown) and Zulay (Esperanza Luego) are all single mothers who’ve been summoned to their child’s school for disciplinary reasons.

While their social class makes them standoffish at first, over time they find common ground in their plight as single moms.

To help ease that burden, they form a society in which one member will watch all of their children while the rest of them go out to the strippers.   

Tyler Perry’s insulting salute to single moms, this pap unsuccessfully tries to pass off its simplistic/unrealistic storyline as female empowerment. 

Incidentally, if it weren’t for single moms we wouldn’t have our beloved serial killers.  Red Light

***No Menbership***


The First Wives Club

The upside to being a man’s first wife is that you get to enjoy pre-Viagra sex with him.

However, that’s no consolation for the ditched dames in this comedy.

Brenda (Bette Midler), Elise (Goldie Hawn) and Annie (Diane Keaton) commiserate over their college friend’s (Stockard Channing) recent suicide.

Suffering from failed marriages themselves, and fearing a similar fate to their friend, the women decide to form a club and get revenge on their insignificant others (Dan Hedaya, Victor Garber, Stephen Collins) and their mistresses (Sarah Jessica Parker, Marcia Gay Harden, Elizabeth Berkley).

With help from a socialite (Maggie Smith), they also hope to turn their husbands cruelty into a woman’s charity.

By not having the characters rely on a Prince Charming to save them, or implausible theatrics to redeem them, this ditzy comedy empowers women to strive for more.

However, the wealthiest women still belong to the Last Wives Club.

He’s a Tinted Widow. He’s the…

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