Be Kind, Please Rewind

He Forges Signature Moves. He’s the…

Vidiot

Smarch 3, 2011

How do identity theft victims describe their assailant? First up…

127 Hours

Losing an appendage can be cause for celebration, so long as it happens at work and you have coverage.

Unfortunately, the incident involving the young man in this drama occurred on the weekend, sans the protection of workers comp.

After parting ways with a pair of hikers (Kate Mara, Amber Tamblyn) that he met while out on the trail of a Utah National Park, amateur adventurer Aron Ralston (James Franco) falls down a crevasse, where his right hand is pinned beneath a boulder.

Unable to free himself, his water depleted, and his mind reeling with famine-induced visions of past relationships with his parents and ex-girlfriend, Aron is finally forced to make a grievous decision if he hopes to survive.

Based on Ralston’s autobiography, 127 Hours is a gripping, grotesque exposition of human endurance, masterfully executed by director Danny Boyle.

Besides, what mountaineer wouldn’t want an ice axe for a hand?  0

Faster

The best thing about being a wheelman is that you get to pick which radio station you and your gang will be riddled with bullets to.

And while this action-thriller doesn’t divulge where the radio dial is positioned, it does include a healthy dose of lead.

Immediately after his release from prison, Driver (Dwayne Johnson) walks into an office building and shoots an employee in the head.

This blatant attack piques the interest of a reckless cop (Billy Bob Thornton) and his new partner (Carla Gugino).

But as Driver’s random victims continue to pile up, the investigating officers learn that his victims aren’t so random or innocent.

By adding the element of surprise to the typical straightforward tale of revenge, Faster reinvigorates the ultra violent genre without catering to the squeamish.

However, with the high cost of gas, instead of using a car, criminals should flee on a Tandem bicycle.  0

Love and Other Drugs

If love is actually a drug, and if parents don’t want their son or daughter to be an addict, then they must stop loving their children immediately.

And while the couple in this dramedy don’t have any children, if they did, love wouldn’t be the only drug on their pee test.

While on the fast track with pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, gifted salesman Jamie (Jake Gyllenhaal) meets his match in Maggie (Anne Hathaway), the patient of a doctor (Hank Azaria) he is trying woo.

Although they agree to keep things carnal, both go back on their word and fall in love.

But when it becomes apparent that Maggie’s Parkinson’s could hinder his career, Jamie must reassess.

A bi-polar mix of a depressing love story and raunchy sex comedy, Love and Other Drugs is in need of mood stabilizer.

And while dating a pill-dealer sounds beneficial, just remember, they rattle when they walk.  0

Burlesque 

The difference between strippers and burlesque performers is that the latter have long tufts of thread growing out of their nipples.

What’s more, as this musical points out, burlesque performers also dance and sing – some better than others.

Arriving in L.A. with dreams of making it as a singer, Ali (Christina Aguilera) is drawn towards the mystique of a local burlesque club.

Determined to join the risqué revue, Ali begins to work at the club, despite the owner Tess' (Cher) objection.

But when it becomes apparent Ali can sing better than the current lip-synching head dancer (Kristen Bell), Tess gives her the lead in hopes of raising enough capital to save the club from being torn down.

While the story and acting is almost there, the musical performances by Cher and Aguilera keep Burlesque from becoming campy.

Unfortunately, like burlesque itself, this movie will only interest gay men and overweight women.  0

***Base Campy***

Showgirls

The act of stripping only became acceptable once overweight women learnt they could lose weight doing it.

And while the stripper-cum-showgirl in this drama needs more than the suffix -aerobics added to her occupation to gain self-respect, she finds it in Las Vegas.

Arriving in town with nothing but a dream of being a dancer, Nomi (Elizabeth Berkley) gets lucky when she’s introduced to Cristal (Gina Gershon), the haughty head showgirl at the Stardust.

Enthralled by Nomi, Cristal and her entertainment director boyfriend (Kyle MacLachlan) arrange an audition for her. But not before seducing her.

Once in the show, Nomi and Cristal’s friendship begins to deteriorate as the two compete for the spotlight.

A campy combination of comical lines and sensual situations, Showgirls is one of the best worst movies ever.

And while bare-chested stage shows are a highlight of the strip, they’re not as arousing as the topless buffets.

He's Stage Show-vinstic. He’s the…

Vidiot