Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Person of Disinterest. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of April 24, 2015

Shoot the ugly hostages first. First up…

Taken 3

As someone who has been taken by Nigerian princes on the Internet many times over, it never gets easier.

Oops, apparently this action movie is about being physically taken, not swindled out of your life savings.

Accused of killing his ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen), Bryan (Liam Neeson) flees from the authorities (Forest Whittaker) in order to catch the real killer.

On the lam, he contacts his daughter (Maggie Grace) - who has another surprise for him - and uncovers clues connecting Lenore’s new husband (Dougray Scott ) with the Russian mafia.

While the trademark fisticuffs, shoot-outs and car chases are all present and accounted for in this final entry in the one-trick pony franchise, they lack the verve they once had.

The boilerplate script, cardboard acting, and stock villains don’t help Taken 3’s case much either.

Incidentally, in addition to vodka and caviar, organized crime is Russia’s other main export. Red Light

The Wedding Ringer

Destination weddings are like eloping with your wedding guests in tow.

Fortunately the groom in this comedy has no family or friends to speak of.

While prepping for his pending nuptials to Gretchen (Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting), Doug (Josh Gad) discovers that he has no close guy friends he can ask to be his groomsmen.

Desperate, he reaches out to a professional best man Jimmy (Kevin Hart), who will pretend to be his best friend and supply groomsmen to round out the wedding party.

Despite preliminary problems with their backstories, Doug, Jimmy and the others form the kind of friendships Doug’s been longing for.

However, his new experiences, and many lies, threaten Gretchen’s big day.

Occasionally funny and periodically imprudent, The Wedding Ringer is a derivative wedding comedy that vacillates between off-kilter and offensive humour.

Besides, picking groomsmen would be a lot easy if your fiancée didn’t hate all your friends.  Yellow Light

Paddington

The upside to adopting an abandoned animal is they have more issues than you do.

Mind you, the patriarch in this family-comedy isn’t too keen on finding out what those issues are.

Unable to remain in the jungle where he was raised, a rare talking-bear (Ben Whishaw) makes his way to a London train station in hopes of being adopted by a family.

As it would happen, Henry (Hugh Bonneville), Mary (Sally Hawkins) and their children take in the well-mannered wild animal, despite Henry’s objections.

Christened Paddington, the accident-prone bruin attracts the attention of an obsessed taxidermist (Nicole Kidman) who wants to display his hide in the Natural History Museum.

With playful direction, remarkable character design and Booneville’s hilarious turn as the cantankerous dad, this live-action/animated adaption of the children’s books is surprisingly entertaining.

However, having a bear as a pet takes a lot of hard work and bear spray.  Green Light

***Helter Shelter Dog***

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Beethoven

If owning a dog is such a huge responsibility, why does every homeless person have one?

Thankfully, the tentative dog owners in this family-comedy are also homeowners.

Fleeing from two inept thieves (Oliver Platt, Stanley Tucci) during a pet store robbery, an ill-behaved St. Bernard sneaks into the Newton home, where everyone (Bonnie Hunt, Nicholle Tom, Christopher Castile, Sarah Rose Karr) except the grouchy patriarch, George (Charles Grodin), welcomes him.

Christensen Beethoven, the accident-prone puppy helps the Newton kids with their adolescent issues while aggravating George with excessive drool and damage to his property.

Meanwhile, an unethical vet (Dean Jones) schemes to dognap Beethoven for one of his twisted experiments.

Despite a derivative script by John Hughes, Beethoven still manages to be an enjoyable but flawed feature, saved only by Grodin and the dog’s interactions.

Plus, drivers are less likely to run you over if you’re walking with a dog.

He’s a Faith Heeler. He’s the…

Vidiot

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Abstract Paint-baller. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of April 17, 2015

Art is in the eye of the money beholder. First up…

 

Big Eyes

The most prolific painter in the history of painting is Benjamin Moore.

Mind you, the critics in this dramedy wouldn’t consider a fresh coat high art.

In 1958, Margaret Keane (Amy Adams) divorces her husband and moves to San Francesco with her daughter to pursue her artistic aspirations.

It’s not until she meets Walter (Christoph Waltz) do her portraits of big-eyed children begin to sell – albeit under his name.

As he becomes prominent, his now-wife cranks out more kitsch art for him to take the credit for.

Even when she reveals the truth, Margaret must still prove she’s behind the brush-strokes in court.

As much a commentary on female repression as it is art, director Tim Burton blends the subjects seamlessly with his eye for the era and his brilliant leads who bring this true Svengali story to life.

Incidentally, the real artist behind Andy Warhol was a soup company executive.  Green Light

God Help The Girl

The unique thing about all-female pop groups is once a month they transform into aggressive punk bands.

Fortunately, the group in this musical has a male member to balance the hormones.

With aspirations of becoming a musician, Eve (Emily Browning) escapes the hospital where she is being treated for anorexia and heads to Glasgow.

At a show she encounters a guitar player, James (Olly Alexander), with equal aspirations.

With James’ guitar student Cassie (Hannah Murray) rounding out the band, the trio start writing songs for an upcoming show.

But Eve’s desire to get a proper education threatens to end the band before it begins.

Conceived by Belle and Sebastian front man Stuart Murdoch, God Help the Girl drips with the indie band’s lovelorn melodies and hipster aesthetic; however, what it lacks is a compelling story that addresses Eve’s eating disorder.

Besides, bands are more successful when assembled by record company executives.  Yellow Light

***Ebony & Ivory Tower***

 

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The World of Henry Orient 

The key to being a successful groupie is being a woman.

And while the fans in this comedy are females, they’re drastically underage.

Obsessed with concert pianist Henry Orient (Peter Sellers), school girls Val (Tippy Walker) and Gil (Merrie Spaeth) secretly follow him around Manhattan, taking notes on his affair with a married woman, and concocting fantasies about their lives with him.

When Val’s mother (Angela Lansbury) stumbles on the girls’ journal, she accuses Orient of seducing her daughter, only to end up having an affair with him at the expense of her marriage to Val’s workaholic father (Tom Bosley).

A perfect portrayal of precocious teenage girls, their odd fashion choices, and their naïve views on love, The World of Henry Orient deals with mature matters of the heart with caprice and candor.

Besides, the best way to get close to a concert pianist is to impersonate a piano bench.

He’s an Ex-Concerto. He’s the…

Vidiot

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Astral Projectionist. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of April 10, 2015

Spirits should be sipped, not seen. First up…

 

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The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death

The best thing about dating a widow is that closet full of men’s shoes and clothing she has.

Mind you, it’s not a husband the woman in this horror movie is mourning – it’s a child.

Forced to evacuate during the Blitzkrieg, boarding school headmistress Helen (Jean Hogg) and her deputy Eve (Phoebe Fox) escort their students to Eel Marsh House in the serene English countryside.

Once there, Eve encounters the apparition of a woman in black who torments her dreams, and lures her young pupils to their deaths.

Aided by knowledge of the woman’s past, and a stationed soldier (Jeremy Irvine), Eve attempts to end the phantoms reign over the manor and the surrounding town.

While the setting is certainly spooky, this sequel to the surprising original never rises above hackneyed jolts and cheap special effects to bring its second-rate script to life.

Incidentally, English ghosts cease all hauntings during teatime. Red Light

 

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A Most Violent Year

The yearly rate of violence in a city depends on whether or not its sports team wins the championship.

However, the brutality in this drama is unrelated to playoff riots.

At the onset of the 1980s, Standard Oil owner Abel (Oscar Isaac) experiences an inordinate amount of truck hijackings.

At the behest of his wife (Jessica Chastain) he arms his drivers, but the violence only escalates.

While trying to figure out who’s behind the thefts, Abel is also brokering a land deal that would see him monopolize the oil import market in New York.

But with his funds depleting fast, Abel is forced to borrow from unsavoury characters.

Despite a promising script and powerful performances, this quasi crime-thriller is sluggish from start to finish with very little violence or payoff at the end.

Besides, why steal from oil companies when you could just buy a dinosaur and make your own?  Yellow Light

 

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The Babadook

The upside to your parent being possessed by a demon is they don’t mind you listening to Heavy Metal music.

However, the inhabited mother in this horror movie is more interested in listening to her child scream.

When children’s book character The Babadook begins haunting Sam (Noah Wiseman) his widowed mother, Amelia (Essie Davis), is hard-pressed to believe him.

It’s not until she disposes of the pop-up book and it returns, does she finally believe in the Babadook’s existence; however, she’s already possessed by the dark entity.

Meanwhile, Sam assembles an array of booby-traps around their house to capture his mother and free her from the Babadook’s clutches.

Light on gore and actual imagines of the monster, this Australian import relies on shadows, creative camera work and a subversive story to send shivers up your spine.

Mind you, it would’ve been funnier if she were possessed by one of the Berenstain Bears.  Green Light

***Bad Manors***

 

The Others

The main difference between British and American ghosts is that the English ones say Boo with the letter U.

But no matter how you pronounce the exclamation in this horror movie, the end result is the same.

In the wake of WWII, new servants (Fionnula Flanagan, Eric Sykes, Elaine Cassidy) are hired on at the country estate of Grace Stewart (Nicole Kidman) to mind after her light-sensitive children (Alakina Mann, James Bentley).

It’s not long before the staff learns of their mistresses’ mysterious migraines and her children’s belief in spirits.

Not until a clairvoyant comes to the manor is the truth behind the hauntings revealed.

Suffused in candlelight and foreboding atmosphere, The Others is a true gothic horror with a wholly original script and a twist ending that’ll shock and depress.

Parenthetically, the best way to get rid of ethereal English occupiers is with the ghosts of deceased IRA members.

He Keeps a Stiff Upper Lisp. He’s the…

Vidiot

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Code Wordsmith.  He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of April 3, 2015

Don’t kill the coded messenger. First up…

 

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The Imitation Game

The only tool needed to decipher intercepted messages from the Nazis is a German to English dictionary.

However, British forces in this drama require an elaborate machine to crack the coded communiqué.

Alan Turing (Benedict Cumberbatch), a mathematician, is recruited by Cdr. Denniston (Charles Dance) to join an elite group of code-breakers (Matthew Goode, Matthew Beard, Allen Leech) as they try to decrypt the German’s Enigma coding machine.

Determined to build a massive mechanism to crack the Axis’ contrivance, Turing is ostracized from the team but finds solace in a female colleague (Keira Knightley), whom he proposes to despite being gay.

A thoughtful, stirring and superbly acted portrayal of the astute mind behind the Allies greatest weapon, The Imitation Game is an educational experience on many alarming levels - in both wartime affairs and in the treatment of homosexuals.

Incidentally, they cracked Canada’s coded messages with a Cracker Jack decoder ring.  Green Light

 

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Unbroken

The worst part of being a prisoner of war is that your conjugal visits are just your captor dressed in drag.

Even worse is the punishment the POW in this drama must endure.

Adrift after their bomber breaks down, Louie Zamperini (Jack O'Connell) and others (Domhnall Gleeson, Finn Wittrock) struggle to survive only to be captured by the Japanese.

Imprisoned, the head of the POW camp (Takamasa Ishihara) takes pleasure in torturing Louie on account of his Olympic history.

Relentlessly tormented by his sadistic captor for years, Louie’s spirit never waivers no matter the abuse – which only brings him greater punishment. 

Although it can be over-sentimental, there’s no deny this Angelina Jolie directed account of Louie’s dismal days at a work camp is certainly engaging and inspiring.

In fact, if America had sent more gold medalists to war it would’ve benefitted every other country’s standings at the first post-war Olympics.  Yellow Light

***Cipher Coat***

 

Enigma

The key to an unbreakable coded message is to kill the only guy who knows what the code is.

However, the code-breaker in this drama doesn’t need the code’s creator to crack it.

Back at Bletchley Park to help British military recover their ability to decipher German U-Boat’s intercepts, cryptanalyst Tom (Dougray Scott) is distracted by the disappearance of his girlfriend.

To help locate her, Tom teams with her roommate (Kate Winslet) and together they uncover their country’s concealment of wartime atrocities to sway US forces to their side.

But their snooping soon attracts the attention of an MI-5 operative (Jeremy Northam).

Loosely based on the true story of the Bletchley Park code-breakers, Enigma omits much of the facts and characters, including Alan Turing, in order to give this account a more cat-and-mouse vibe, which it has in spades.

Incidentally, most intercepted U-Boat messages were just fan letters to Hitler.

He’s Encryptic. He’s the…

Vidiot