Showing posts with label I. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Be Kind, Please Rewind


It’s his Third World Premiere. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of March 9, 2018

Scalping tickets to a Redskins’ game is double racist. First up…


Thor: Ragnarok

Norse gods only answer prays containing key words, like, mead, wench or beheading.

But if this action movie is to be believed, there may not be many deities left to worship.

Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and his adopted brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) must prevent their newly freed sister Hela (Cate Blanchett) from destroying the Nine Realms. In the process Thor is captured by an intergalactic slave trader (Tessa Thompson) and sold to the ruler (Jeff Goldblum) of a battle planet for gladiatorial games.

Powerless without his hammer, the god of thunder must learn to rely on others, including Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), if he hopes to save Asgard.

Better than both of its predecessors by leaps and bounds, especially in terms of action, acting and humour, director Taika Waititi manages to bring levity to what is essentially Thor’s darkest saga yet. 

Incidentally, the only people who’d mourn Asgard’s ruin are white supremacists.  Green Light 


Lady Bird

The best thing about Catholic school is that it accepts pregnant virgins as students.

However, it’ll be awhile before the pupil in this dramedy even gets a miraculous kiss.

Quirky Catholic high school senior Lady Bird (Saoirse Ronan) struggles to find her place amongst her straight-laced peers as she waits to live out her Ivy League College fantasy far away from her overbearing mother (Laurie Metcalf). It’s not until she joins the school play that she finds her calling, and her new boyfriend.

But her affluent new friends begin to affect how Ladybird perceives her status, her family and her old friends.

Although it comes with all the angst, awkwardness and senseless rebellion you’d expect, it’s the hilarious and touching mother-daughter dynamic that elevates writer/director Greta Gerwig’s vision, and sets it apart from your standard coming-of-age account.

Moreover, teenage girls hate their mothers up until they need them to babysit.  Green Light

 

I, Tonya

Watching girls perform vertical splits in their panties is only allowed during Olympic figure skating.

Sadly, the skater in this dramedy has been banned from ever flashing audiences again.

From an early age, Tonya Harding (Margot Robbie) had been pushed by her abusive mother (Allison Janney) to be the best on the ice. Despite the cruelty, she grew into a talented skater.  

Her abusive boyfriend Jeff Gillooly (Sebastian Stan) sees that Olympic potential, but also a threat in her main rival, so he hires Tonya’s bungling bodyguard and his dimwitted crew to assault Nancy Kerrigan at the ice rink.

A bizarre true story made even stranger by turning the violent event and its participants into a comical situation executed by white trash caricatures. While the cast is impeccable, the directing, especially the green-screen work, is terrible.

And while the Winter Olympics frowns on clubbing competitor’s kneecaps, Disney On Ice doesn’t.  Yellow Light

***Succor Mom***


Terms of Endearment

Being your child’s best friend is better than being their parent because you can always ditch them for cooler friends.

Mind you, the mother and daughter duo in this dramedy is connected at the hip.

Overbearing Aurora (Shirley MacLaine) becomes even more domineering when her husband dies and she’s left to raise Emma (Debra Winger) alone. While the pair share a special bound, when Emma’s husband (Jeff Daniels) is relocated that bond is strained.

To cope with loneliness Aurora courts her neighbour (Jack Nicholson). But when Emma’s health takes a dramatic turn she heads home to her mother.

James L. Brooks’ seminal tearjerker, this Oscar winner based on Larry McMurtry’s best-seller was an emotional powerhouse when it was released in 1983. However, overtime its weepy ending and its mother-daughter dynamic have lost a lot of their initial impact.

Incidentally, the one thing that always reunites daughters with mothers is a bad husband.

He's a Mother's Milkman. He's the...

Vidiot











Friday, May 9, 2014

Be Kind, Please Rewind


He Collagen Lip-Syncs. He’s the…

Vidiot 

Week of May 9, 2014

God has fake tits. First up…

I, Frankenstein

To pass as a modern-day human, Frankenstein’s monster could tell people his facial scarring was from a botched facelift.

Mind you, the abomination in this action movie opted for a simple hoodie.

Centuries after he murdered his master’s mate, Frankenstein’s creation, Adam (Aaron Eckhart), returns to civilization.

There, he is recruited by a gang of gargoyles (Miranda Otto, Jai Courtney, Caitlin Stasey) forged by Heaven’s angels to keep Hell’s demons (Bill Nighy, Kevin Grevioux, Steve Mouzakis) in check.

Unbeknownst to them, however, is the fact that the demons are trying to acquire Adam, so they can learn how to bring their demonic army to life.

From Eckhart’s clunky performance to the action-laden, but tragically typical script, this severely skewed interpretation of Mary Shelley’s novel is as much a hideous patchwork as its subject matter. 

Besides, if Frankenstein’s monster were real, it would have scrawled an illegible tell-all book by now.  Red Light

Veronica Mars

The best thing about donating to a Kickstarter campaign is that it allows you to yell CUT anytime during the film’s shoot.

However, this crowd-funded crime-thriller appears to have had only one director.

On her way to being a hotshot lawyer, Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell) boomerangs back to her teenage sleuthing days when her Ex, Logan Echolls (Jason Dohring), is accused of murdering his famous girlfriend.

To make her return to her hometown even more upsetting, it is also her 10-year high school reunion.

Fortunately, many of the attendees (Krysten Ritter, Ryan Hansen, Francis Capra) are suspects on her could-be killers’ list.

Loaded with cameos from major and minor characters from the short-lived TV show, as well as Hollywood heavyweights, this fan-sourced success story is satisfying for followers.

Those unaware of the source material, however, may feel excluded and unfulfilled.

As for 10-year reunions, most alumni haven’t even graduated university yet.  Yellow Light

***It’s Alive, Broadcast***

Munster, Go Home!

The parental advantage to being a Frankenstein-esque father is your torso can be at work and your head can be at your kid’s soccer game.

However, in this comedy, the patchwork patriarch’s entire body is overseas.

Willed an English manor by his relative, Herman (Fred Gwynne) moves his vampiric wife (Yvonne De Carlo), his feral son (Butch Patrick), his blood-sucking father-in-law (Al Lewis) and his normal-looking niece (Debbie Watson) to Munster Hall.

Herman’s cousins (Jeanne Arnold, Terry-Thomas) however are infuriated that he inherited their estate. 

To rid the home of their relations, the pair plan to sabotage a drag race Herman is entered in.

As campy as the TV show it’s based on, this creature feature-film boasts most of the principal cast members as well as Grampa Munster’s legendary Drag-u-la dragster.

Besides, Brits having a problem with weird-looking people with pointy teeth is like the kettle calling the pot black.

 He’s a Disembodied Guard. He’s the…

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