He’s an Aftertaste Maker. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of January 11, 2019
Nothing solves a debt crisis better than an
apocalypse. First up…
Bird Box
Although the athletes are heavily mutated,
post-apocalyptic Olympic games are a sight to behold.
Regrettably, the blindfolded resistance in
this horror movie will never be able to observe one.
When an unseen entity begins manipulating
humans to kill themselves, expectant mother Malorie (Sandra Bullock) must cover
her eyes to avoid the creature’s suicidal influence. Eventually, she finds
shelter with other survivors (John Malkovich, Trevante Rhodes, BD Wong) and
gives birth. With word of a superior sanctuary downstream, Malorie braves the
torrents blindfolded in order to get her brood there.
Although the dialogue is exceptionally
corny, the accomplished cast works wonders with the material provided. And
while the idea of a sightless struggle for survival is certainly nerve-racking
and ingeniously depicted, this Netflix adaptation of the dystopian bestseller
is too ambition for its 2-hour confines.
Moreover, everyone knows the only way to
tackle rapids blind is inside of a wooden barrel. Yellow Light
Mid90s
The biggest threat to nineties teenagers
was having their baggy clothing sucked in to machinery.
However, this dramedy depicts a number of
other dangerous situations that generation tackled.
Drawn to the rebellious fun of
skateboarding, 13-year-old Stevie (Sunny Suljic) aligns himself with a
rambunctious crew. Thanks to his daring nature, he quickly works his way up the
ranks, drawing disdain from other skaters. Meanwhile, Stevie’s new friends have
become a point of concern for his mother (Katherine Waterston) and older
brother (Lucas Hedges).
Extremely similar to a number of
coming-of-age dramas released in the 1990s themselves, first-time director
Jonah Hill does a commendable job of bringing the era, its attitudes and its
soundtrack to life. Meanwhile, the underage cast fit the slacker image to a tee
and deliver the crude slang with legitimacy.
And while there was wireless back then you
only had coverage to the end of your driveway.
Green Light
The Old Man & the Gun
It’s important to keep handguns away from
the elderly as they may mistake then for blow dryers.
Surprisingly, the septuagenarian in this
heist picture is more astute than most his age.
Career criminal Forrest Tucker (Robert
Redford) finally escapes custody in the 1970s and goes on a successful crime
spree while in his seventies. Thanks to his charisma and creativity, Tucker wins
over bank patrons and his long-time love (Sissy Spacek). He also uses said
attributes to evade the detective (Casey Affleck) sent to apprehend him for a
number of years.
The incredible true story of one of
history’s greatest prison escape artists as well as actor Robert Redford’s
final film performance, this endearing cat-and-mouse caper is a superlative
send-off for the latter and a heartfelt tribute to the deceased former.
However, it’s hard to believe that any
senior citizen can be in-and-out of a bank in under an hour. Green Light
***Blue-Hair Trigger***
Rififi
For career criminals prison is like a
retirement home that family actually visits.
However, the felon in this heist picture
has just been released from those safe confines.
Freed after a 5-year prison stint, ex-thief
Tony (Jean Servais) is approached by his old pal Jo (Carl Möhner) about a
repeat performance on a Parisian gem store. Hoping to remain a free man, Tony
insists on doing the job like a professional. Hiring a safecracker to reach the
real riches, Tony’s crew is eventually successful. However, everything unravels
when a gangster comes after their loot.
Remembered for its white-knuckle – and
completely soundless - burglary scene that has been mimicked by real-life bank
robbers since the film’s 1955 release, this pioneer of French New Wave cinema
remains one of the best examples of the genre’s criminal underbelly.
Incidentally, the best time for a
smash-and-grab in Paris is during a Yellow Vest protest.
He’s a Gold Band of Thieves. He’s the…
Vidiot
