He’s a Kitty Litterbug. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of July 21, 2017
Having pets lets you know if your child's a
serial killer. First up…
Kong: Skull Island
The most exciting aspect of finding a giant
monkey is all the cosmetic testing you can conduct on it.
Fortunately, the simian in this adventure
picture isn’t wearing any mascara yet.
Dispatched by the military to map out Skull
Island, Lt. Colonel Packard (Samuel L. Jackson), a mercenary tracker (Tom
Hiddleston), a photojournalist (Brie Larson) and a government official (John
Goodman) arrive to find a 50-foot gorilla protecting the natives from
subterranean creatures that roam the atoll.
Conflict erupts when half of the party
wants to kill Kong and the other half wants to save him.
The most dynamic incarnation of the 80-year
old ape, this fast-paced update set in 1973 doesn’t waste time with exposition
or character development. Instead it gets right down to eye-popping creature
clashes that excite much more than they engage.
Incidentally, the only way to pacify an
enormous primate is with a gigantic tire swing.
Yellow Light
Free Fire
The key to conducting a successful arms
deal is not loading any of the weapons before hand.
Regretfully, the merchants in this action
movie included ammo in the exchange.
A Boston arbitrator (Brie Larson) gets
embroiled in an arms deal between IRA members (Cillian Murphy, Sam Riley, Enzo
Cilenti) and a South African supplier (Sharlto Copley) and his go-between
(Armie Hammer) that results in a standoff.
Trapped inside of a warehouse and armed to
the teeth, each party attempts to oust the other and escape with the cash
intended for the now botched transaction.
Although it comes off as gritty 1970s
throwback, this claustrophobic shootout misfires more than it hits. While the
international cast is certainly capable, the plot, the dialogue and the
characters are surprisingly weak and one-dimensional. Even the non-stop
shootouts are too pedestrian to bother mentioning.
Moreover, arms deals should take place
somewhere public like at a children’s festival.
Red Light
Shin Godzilla
The most exciting aspect of discovering a
giant lizard is waiting for its ossified bones to become oil.
However, the Japan depicted in this sci-fi
feature will be rubble by that point.
Cabinet Secretary Rando’s (Hiroki Hasegawa)
suspicion of a substantial sea creature living off the Japanese coast is
confirmed when a news camera captures images of a massive unidentified
organism.
Panic doesn’t set in until the entity makes
landfall. Excelled evolution soon allows it to stand upright and emit blasts of
radiation.
A strategy to cool the creature’s internal
fusion is put into place.
The 31st installment in the reptilian
franchise, Godzilla Resurgence returns the character to its nuclear roots, alluding
to recent atomic disasters that have tested Japan’s mettle. While the damage
done is on par with most kaiju movies, it’s the film’s urgency that makes it
memorable.
Incidentally, Godzilla always dresses funny
after trampling Tokyo’s Harajuku district.
Yellow Light
***High Karate***
Inframan
The worst part of being a colossal man is
that you have to have sex with tunnels.
Luckily, the giant man in this sci-fi flick
has been stripped of all sexual desires.
A scientist at Science Headquarters
transforms an average officer (Danny Lee) into a living weapon in order to
defeat a recently resurrected demon princess and her skeleton ghost henchmen.
While his enhanced martial arts and
flashing thunder fists help him dispatch with most of her cronies, Inframan
must tap his growth powers to squash the princess’ biggest monster.
Marking China’s first foray into the
superhero genre, this 1975 Shaw Brothers Studio contribution to the fledgling
subgenre is absolutely unforgettable. While it’s predominantly choreographed
stage fights between elaborately dressed parties, this colourful kung fu movie
has kaiju leanings once it comes to its monster-sized climax.
Fortunately, China’s smog is enough to kill
off most any giant monster attacks.
He’s an Overgrown-up. He’s the…
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