He’s an Eternal Peacekeeper. He’s the...
Vidiot
Week of April 19, 2019
Cloaks are more fashionable than capes.
First up...
Glass
The toughest part to having a disabled
archenemy is beating up their service animal.
Fortunately, the wheelchair-bound baddie in
this fantasy has support from a powerful partner.
As the split personalities of The Horde
(James McAvoy) continue kidnapping victims for it’s dominate persona to ravage,
indestructible David (Bruce Willis) scours the city for him. Just as the two
are set to face-off, both enhanced humans are apprehended then sent to a
psychiatrist (Sarah Paulson) specializing in superheroes for study. Joining the
analysis is the immobile psycho (Samuel L. Jackson) who was instrumental in
both men’s transformation.
The sequel to Split and the final chapter
of the Unbreakable legacy, writer/director M. Night Shyamalan returns to the
unconventional superhero genre he nurtured decades earlier. Unfortunately, his
return is marred by monotonous pacing, half-ass twists and underused
characters.
On the bright side, handicapped superheroes
have larger bathroom stalls to change their costumes in. Red Light
The Kid Who Would be King
Anti-vaxxers will be happy to know that out
of all the people killed by the black plague, no one had autism.
The modern knights in this fantasy however
have been inoculated, so the disorder remains a threat.
Alex (Louis Ashbourne Serkis) fancies himself
a hero, but the bullies at his school see him and his friend (Dean Chaumoo) as
targets. That is, until Alex finds a mysterious sword in a construction site
that turns out to be Excalibur. The re-emergence of the weapon also signals the
regeneration of the sorceress Morgana (Rebecca Ferguson), who will stop at
nothing to retrieve the blade.
A modern retelling of King Arthur lore,
this kid-centric update starts off as a rollicking adventure, but dawdles
through pointless training montages and bonding sessions. While the special
effects are top-notch, the generic story is second-rate.
Furthermore, if Arthurian legend ruled
modern England, even Merlin couldn’t fix Brexit. Yellow Light
Escape Room
FYI: Escape rooms are not a good activity
for anyone who has been held captive before.
Fortunately, none of the participants in
this horror movie are suffering PTSD yet.
An eclectic group (Deborah Ann Woll, Taylor
Russell, Jay Ellis) is invited to participant in an escape room challenge for
the chance to win $10,000. However, each room that the players enter has a
connection to one of their pasts. The guilty party must expose the secret in
order to get the combination to the lock. But with teammates dropping fast,
those remaining must unmask the gamemaster before time runs out.
Piggybacking on the popularity of locked
rooms and the torture horror movie craze, this low-budget ensemble does have
some intense moments, but the derivative and inconclusiveness ending derails
everything that came before it.
Besides, the easiest way to breakout of an
escape room is to take the teenage attendant hostage. Yellow Light
***Shape of Things to Come***
Cube
If you ever find yourself in a makeshift
escape room in someone’s backyard chances are you’ve been kidnapped.
And while the participants in this sci-fi
horror have been abducted, they have no clue where they are.
A cop (Maurice Dean Wint), a mathematician
(Nicole de Boer), a doctor (Nicky Guadagni), an escape artist (Wayne Robson),
and an architect (David Hewlett) awaken inside of a massive cube. While no one
can figure out how they got there, they have deduced that the cube has infinite
rooms filled with death traps. As the rooms kill, the math whiz tries to figure
out the secret.
Psychologically scary but also imbued with
a decent amount of gore, this dreamlike cult Canadian gem from 1997 offers very
little exposition, leaving the viewer in the dark as much as the characters.
FYI: homeless people are the worst locked
room contestants because they aren’t motivated to escape.
He’s an Escaped Roomie. He’s the...
Vidiot
